so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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