Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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