It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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