as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
