I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
