guys are not supposed to queef...right?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
