You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
