someone owes me an orgasm
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
