dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
