i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
