I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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