i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
