just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
zippers are such a cool invention
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
