im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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