Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
