it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
