so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
