At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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