1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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