the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
