I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
