can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
