i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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