Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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