My liver just broke up with me...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
