Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
