Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
