i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
