Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
