Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
