I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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