Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
