Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
