so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
