I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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