Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize