I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
