so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They took my balls.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
