Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
