can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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