I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
