I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
