You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I sprained my soul last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
