you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize