sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
