I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize