Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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