They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Come share oat with me in your robe
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
