Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
