Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
