I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
