the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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