what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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