I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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