i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
