Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
