Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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