official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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