woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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