She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
