maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
