At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
