So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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