If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
