I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
