Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
