Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
